Going through a divorce is never easy and it’s basically the end of an era in your life – but this entire process is much, much harder if you have children. Being blessed with kids is the best feeling in the world, but if you need to end your marriage, handling these two things will probably be the worst thing you’ll ever do. Still, you need to approach this entire situation carefully and delicately, keeping your children’s interests in mind. So, if you too are about to enter this process, here’s what you need to do.
Break the news gently
This is the first thing you need to do once you and your spouse decide that divorce is the only solution for all your problems and troubles. Of course, your kids don’t need to know everything that’s going on and stay up to date with all the details, but they have to be aware of the general context. After all, this is an important part of their childhood and something that could end up meaning quite a lot in their adult life.
Breaking the news to your children is never easy, and you have to be gentle but determined. Talk to them together with your spouse, address them all at once, talk to them about the custody battle you’re about to enter and be ready to answer some difficult questions. Your kids will probably be sad and disappointed, which is why you have to tell them why you’ve decided to get divorced.
Try to understand your children
Speaking of sadness and disappointment your kids are going to feel, there’s one thing you have to do about it – you need to understand them and how they’re feeling. You’ll all going to be feeling a whole range of emotions, but your kids might not know how to deal with them as well as you. That’s why they’ll need you and your help, so be sure to provide it to them.
Another thing you could be facing is rage, but try to remember that this is a natural reaction almost all children feel in these situations. They perceive divorce as the worst thing in their lives, and they’re afraid that their parents will stop loving them. So, be sure to remind them that you two just don’t love each other, but still love them as before – and that will help them feel a bit better.
Get some professionals involved
Doing all of these things on your own is definitely doable, but it’s surely harder than you can imagine. That’s why you might consider getting some help in breaking the news to your children and handling your entire divorce. Luckily, there are lots of people you can turn to – from psychologists and psychiatrists to divorce lawyers – and get some practical tips that can help you along the process.
However, not just any experts will do – finding the best ones is vital, no matter where you live, from Australia to Canada. This is especially true if you want to have your children’s best interests at heart, so start looking for the most experienced family lawyers in Sydney, for instance, as soon as possible. These people have tons of knowledge when it comes to talking to families who are breaking up, and they’ll help you and your kids go through the divorce more easily.
Work out the details
In the end, you need to spend as much time with your children through this entire process as you can. Constantly talking to them and helping them understand what’s going on is the only way to make sure they don’t end up being traumatized and scared. Doing that might not be easy for you and your spouse, but you need to stay focused on your kids’ emotions and mental health, so don’t forget to spend some time working out the details of your divorce and your life in the future.
First, talk about the custody and figure out the living arrangement after the divorce is finalized. After that, divide the property and try to be respectful and fair towards your spouse. Also, ask your kids how they feel about these two issues and find out who they’d prefer spending the majority of their time with, and where they’d love to live. In the end, talk about your children’s daily routines and how you’re going to continue them in the future as well – just because you and your spouse are not married anymore doesn’t mean your kids have to stop enjoying their hobbies and stop being kids.
We all know that managing divorce is never easy, but having children involved in this process can take everything to the next level. That’s why being gentle, patient, and thoughtful is the only way to keep everyone’s emotions intact and protect your kids’ feelings – ultimately, this is the only thing you need to be focused on.
About the Author
Peter is a lifestyle writer and a recent newly wed living in Brisbane, Australia. After graduating from Australian Institute of Creative Design, he worked as a fashion stylist and also as a freelance writer for few local magazines in Brisbane. Besides writing, he loves shopping, cooking exotic meals and traveling around tropical destinations with his hubby Josh. His future plans are in creating his personal lifestyle blog about everyday life-saving tips. Follow Peter on Facebook and Twitter.
To read more of Peter’s writing, you may visit Voice Boks
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